falling in love with beauty

For me, travelling has always been a little bit risky... not in a typically dangerous or traumatic sense, but risky in the sense that I worry that small pieces of my heart will end up captured forever by the beauty of each new place I visit. The natural beauty of the world around me has always been enticing. Each mile of the road I travel calls to me with an invitation to explore, and play and pursue the created beauty set out in front of me. Despite the call to maturity that comes with age, I still want to touch and see the world around me with the curious, carefree and playful intensity of a child. Beauty calls me to explore this world with a vigor and passion known by way too few.

learning slowly

I wish it weren't such a true statement in my life, but I definitely learn a little slowly... It doesn't so much happen in the memorization of facts, but more the stuff that gets dealt with in my heart. Recently, trusting has been a pretty big deal to me. Trusting people hasn't been so bad. It's been way more difficult believing that what I read about God is true, not only in older times but now. The trustworthiness of his character is a current thing. It is not old, and it's not a 'has been' situation. I know all this with my mind, but my heart just seems to take a little longer to catch up... I really wish it were not so...

locked down at the airport

I encountered Seattle Airport's Code 'BRAVO' yesterday morning and it was a little like what I'd imagine a lockdown to be like. All of a sudden everything just stopped. The once busy airport staff were now all doing their best to conceal concerned looks as they peered attentively into the security monitors, and now anxious people are waiting to collect their bags at the security tables, but no one, besides the cops running down the concourse hallways, is moving anywhere. Nothing is moving... now there is only waiting. Waiting and wondering what is happening. Is it the contents of her bag still in the security xray? Or is it that frightening person you saw creep into the bookstore just around the corner. No one says anything, the security people have no answers for the questions coming their way, so you just wait and ironicially hope first, that this delay won't cause you to miss you to miss your flight and second, that the security issue isn't serious. It's weird how my first concern was my schedule and the second concern was my safety-not sure what that says about my priorities? Well, 15 tense minutes later we hear the all clear and the airport suddenly goes back to the regular bustle of a normal Tuesday monring. Thankful I will make it to the gate on time, I continue on my way wondering about the cause of code 'bravo'. As I stop to grab a bite to eat, I hear whispers of what happened (rumors fly as fast in the airport as they do in over self-conscious peer groups) And I hear someone talk about the shoe-less, jesus song singing lady about 30 people infront of me in the massive security line. She seemed to me like she'd be one of those people you find downtown wearing jesus saves pins, preaching on the street corner telling those around her that the end was near-except no one listens... kind of like the how her singing was something we all naturally tuned out. Rumor has it she made a shoe-less sprint through security, the shoes were not the real problem, it was her surprising agility, speed, and absent ticket that was surprising enough to shutdown the airport-what a strange morning...

facing off against my fears

Growing up watching american television and living minutes away from the border, there are certain things you come to believe about the American culture... and this morning much of it was confirmed. After a peaceful run (ok, I like to call it a run, but its more of a lazy jog) around Birch Bay before the sleepy town and my sleepy co-workers began the process of waking up, I walked up to the top floor in our building to enjoy the quiet and watch the town wake up. It was there I saw some ridiculously brave soul attack the Canadian geese with gleeful cries and gangly arm movements. Now if you were Canadian, you would know that those birds need to be treated with a little more respect. I typically great them with whole-hearted fear! My experiences with them on Canadian soil has given me much too intimate of a view of their firely attitude, but here on American land, the "united we stand" seems to have already broken the spirit of our country's slightly hostile and pesty goose... the preconception stands... united.... and strong....

all things awkward...

I can never seem to tell whether awkward moments actually follow me through my life, or if I am the one who makes the normalist of moments awkward. I sometimes fear that it is the second option, yet hope it is the first, as it excuses my part in those ungainly moments. But then again, sometimes it is the awkward moments that break the ice, that allow for release of slightly uncomfortable laughter and then the growing of a friendship. I like to think that people's awkward moments can be likened to a special vulnerablity, evidence of humanness and evidence of the ability to laugh at your quirks. I feel the need to cling to those thoughts on awkward moments, because it seems to me that there is an unusually large amount of awkward moments in my life and I'd go as far as to say there have of late been more than usual. Are people getting more comfortable with me, or am I getting more comfortable with people? Am I missing out on too much sleep, and therefore blindly walking into 2x4's and the witticism of others or am I simply generously giving the world around me extra reason to laugh, smile and probably also shake their heads in astonishment as they walk away...

a soap in the eyes sort of a morning

I think it's common sense that you should always avoid getting soap in your eyes, but sometimes it just happens. Like this morning, I was washing my hair, thinking about something else when all of a sudden my eyes were stinging like crazy and then I was so busy blinking and trying to stop the stinging that you can't focus on anything until the pain was gone... I've been thinking a lot lately about why it is so difficult to be obedient to something greater than yourself. I know that I am supposed to be obedient but I fear that my willingness to be obedient will take away the comfortableness I have created for myself-the fear then blinds me to the greatness of that call to obedience. But what joy is there in life apart from doing that to which we are called to do, especially in light of the the character of the one who calls us.
Philips Brooks says "The great danger facing all of us-let me say it again, for one feels it tremendously-is not that we shall make an absolute failure of life, nor that we shall fall into outright viciousness, nor that we shall be terribly unhappy, nor that we shall feel that life has no meaning at all-not these things. The danger is that we may fail to perceive life's greatest meaning, fall short of its highest good, miss its deepest and most abiding happiness, be unable to render the most needed service, be unconscious of life ablaze with the light of the Presence of God-and be content to have it so-that is the danger."